Disclaimer: this is one of those very real and honest posts that come out once in a while. Was going to skip it all together, but in keeping true to myself, decided to include. I always said this blog was about my life. I think it's important to have a history of life--one day my kids, and maybe my grand kids, will be able to read about the good and the bad.
If I start at the beginning, it's starts with the first miscarriage. Actually, it starts before that. I knew I was having some thyroid issues, I just didn't know how bad. When you're overweight, you just assume it's always going to be a struggle. You don't figure you'd count calories, go low carb, workout and not lose anything, sometimes even gain! So it started there, and after a few blood tests, I'm put on some medicine for my thyroid. And by golly, I lost some weight! I was also newly pregnant at the time, so I obviously didn't lose much. In hindsight I suppose that should have clued me in that something wasn't right. Sure enough, the next time my thyroid levels were checked, they were now too high and I stopped the medicine. A few days later I had a miscarriage. Now, we were right in the middle of moving when that all happened, and honestly just forgot the whole thyroid thing even happened. I figured I'd get a re-check when I found a primary physician in town.
If I start at the beginning, it's starts with the first miscarriage. Actually, it starts before that. I knew I was having some thyroid issues, I just didn't know how bad. When you're overweight, you just assume it's always going to be a struggle. You don't figure you'd count calories, go low carb, workout and not lose anything, sometimes even gain! So it started there, and after a few blood tests, I'm put on some medicine for my thyroid. And by golly, I lost some weight! I was also newly pregnant at the time, so I obviously didn't lose much. In hindsight I suppose that should have clued me in that something wasn't right. Sure enough, the next time my thyroid levels were checked, they were now too high and I stopped the medicine. A few days later I had a miscarriage. Now, we were right in the middle of moving when that all happened, and honestly just forgot the whole thyroid thing even happened. I figured I'd get a re-check when I found a primary physician in town.
I started having some odd symptoms, such as my heart racing really fast and skipping beats (frequently skipping beats--the weirdest, scariest feeling when you don't know what's going on). I was also tired all the time, to the point of needing naps and literally feeling like I was walking through mud. At about the same time, I found out I was pregnant again! Our excitement was short lived, as I found out after my first appointment (in July) that I was about to miscarry again. After the second miscarriage, I had some thyroid tests repeated and much to my shock- I wasn't hypothyroid anymore. I was extremely hyPERthyroid. Which in hindsight, explains the heart stuff. I was also hot and sweaty all the time- which I was chalking up to being in Texas again. But it was really bad- I'd lay down at night and swear I was lying in a sauna, despite the air conditioning. (side note- hyperthyroidism can cause weight loss, but wouldn't you know I'd be in the percentage of people who don't lose anything! I mean, my metabolism is pumping, but the scale isn't moving. It would figure. Even when sick I can't lose it easily!)
After discovering I was hyperthyroid, I was sent to a primary physician, and from there, an endocrinologist. A bunch of blood tests were run, a thyroid ultrasound and a thyroid scan using radioactive iodine. The results: Grave's Disease. Well, it's sort of complicated because my endo called it "diffuse toxic goiter" (do NOT, I repeat do NOT google goiter. You'll get some gross pictures, and my neck is a bit swollen, but I swear to you it doesn't look like that!). The antibodies and scans all showed the same thing- Grave's. Although my endo chooses to say "it's an autoimmune disease in the same family as Grave's, but you don't have any eye problems, so we won't call it Grave's". I am choosing to call it Grave's because for all intents and purposes, it is the same thing. My eyes just aren't bulging out of my head. Thus begins my treatment options. Let me start with, making a decision about treatment is not as easy when you plan to have another child. Complicated by the fact that I'm 35. So, I'm also seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, who is doing a bunch of tests related to pregnancy loss and figuring out how many good eggs I have left. Oh the joys of modern medicine! The reality is, the thyroid issue may very well be the reason for the miscarriages. Or my age. Or a complete and total fluke, for miscarriages are not as uncommon as you may think. But if there tests out there to make sure it's not anything else, before we try again, then by golly, bring on the tests. For the heartache of 1 miscarriage is mind numbing, I can't even begin to tell you the pain I felt after having a second one.
After painstaking thought, research, opinions from others, I decided on treatment. Well, it's scheduled anyway, I still have days of "Am I doing the right thing?" thoughts flying through my head all day long. I will be having radioactive iodine treatment done on October 1st. Basically I swallow a pill, and because the thyroid takes up iodine introduced into the body (and I have a much higher then normal uptake because of the Grave's)- the radiation in the pill then basically destroys the thyroid. This is not a decision I've come to lightly. Having my thyroid destroyed is scary stuff. Do you know what happens to people with no thyroid? They gain weight. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how this terrifies me. I've been fighting, struggling, crying over my weight, well basically my whole life, but even more so since pregnancy and having a baby. I will be put on hormone replacement, and I'm just hoping I am one of the lucky ones who gets the levels fixed pretty quickly. I will just continue to do what I can by eating healthy and exercising, and see what happens. But I am terrified of this.
Other then that, the side effects are quite minimal. The hardest and heartbreaking part of it all will be not seeing Matthew for a week. I will be emitting radiation for a short period of time (weird, huh?) and it is especially important to be extra cautious with small children. For a week he won't be home, and the second week he'll be here, but I won't be able to love on him and kiss him all the time--it's limited to an hour a day. After that, we should be a bit more back to normal. I will hopefully get to feeling better- no heart palpitations, more energy. We will have to wait 6 months before trying for another child. In the end, I do what I gotta do to make sure I am around long enough to enjoy the child I do have. Hyperthyroidism is not something you mess around with- aside from the damage it can do to your heart, there are other complications that can occur.
So that's it. Another bump in the road that is life, but oh how blessed I am to be living this life of mine! Speed bumps and all.
After discovering I was hyperthyroid, I was sent to a primary physician, and from there, an endocrinologist. A bunch of blood tests were run, a thyroid ultrasound and a thyroid scan using radioactive iodine. The results: Grave's Disease. Well, it's sort of complicated because my endo called it "diffuse toxic goiter" (do NOT, I repeat do NOT google goiter. You'll get some gross pictures, and my neck is a bit swollen, but I swear to you it doesn't look like that!). The antibodies and scans all showed the same thing- Grave's. Although my endo chooses to say "it's an autoimmune disease in the same family as Grave's, but you don't have any eye problems, so we won't call it Grave's". I am choosing to call it Grave's because for all intents and purposes, it is the same thing. My eyes just aren't bulging out of my head. Thus begins my treatment options. Let me start with, making a decision about treatment is not as easy when you plan to have another child. Complicated by the fact that I'm 35. So, I'm also seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, who is doing a bunch of tests related to pregnancy loss and figuring out how many good eggs I have left. Oh the joys of modern medicine! The reality is, the thyroid issue may very well be the reason for the miscarriages. Or my age. Or a complete and total fluke, for miscarriages are not as uncommon as you may think. But if there tests out there to make sure it's not anything else, before we try again, then by golly, bring on the tests. For the heartache of 1 miscarriage is mind numbing, I can't even begin to tell you the pain I felt after having a second one.
After painstaking thought, research, opinions from others, I decided on treatment. Well, it's scheduled anyway, I still have days of "Am I doing the right thing?" thoughts flying through my head all day long. I will be having radioactive iodine treatment done on October 1st. Basically I swallow a pill, and because the thyroid takes up iodine introduced into the body (and I have a much higher then normal uptake because of the Grave's)- the radiation in the pill then basically destroys the thyroid. This is not a decision I've come to lightly. Having my thyroid destroyed is scary stuff. Do you know what happens to people with no thyroid? They gain weight. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how this terrifies me. I've been fighting, struggling, crying over my weight, well basically my whole life, but even more so since pregnancy and having a baby. I will be put on hormone replacement, and I'm just hoping I am one of the lucky ones who gets the levels fixed pretty quickly. I will just continue to do what I can by eating healthy and exercising, and see what happens. But I am terrified of this.
Other then that, the side effects are quite minimal. The hardest and heartbreaking part of it all will be not seeing Matthew for a week. I will be emitting radiation for a short period of time (weird, huh?) and it is especially important to be extra cautious with small children. For a week he won't be home, and the second week he'll be here, but I won't be able to love on him and kiss him all the time--it's limited to an hour a day. After that, we should be a bit more back to normal. I will hopefully get to feeling better- no heart palpitations, more energy. We will have to wait 6 months before trying for another child. In the end, I do what I gotta do to make sure I am around long enough to enjoy the child I do have. Hyperthyroidism is not something you mess around with- aside from the damage it can do to your heart, there are other complications that can occur.
So that's it. Another bump in the road that is life, but oh how blessed I am to be living this life of mine! Speed bumps and all.
2 comments:
How scary, Lynn! I bet it's a relief to finally figure out what's been going on, huh? I'll be praying for you to have strength and to get through this time. Thyroid stuff can be very scary, but it sounds like you made the best decision for you and your family. Hang in there! *hugs
(((Lynn))) I can't even begin to understand the frustration and feelings you are going through. I'll be thinking of you though. Sounds like you have some good dr's who are wiling to help you figure this stuff out and that seems to be half the battle these days. I wish you nothing but the best.
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