One year.

One year ago today, my life was forever changed.  I was 10 weeks pregnant, and very excitedly looking for a new house in Texas.  On this day last year, Mike and I went to our first appointment with the new OB here in Texas (we were in the process of moving).  I still have not forgotten, nor will I ever, the horror of that ultrasound.  Seeing a big black empty gestational sac still haunts me some days.  The week that followed was a blur.  The months that followed are kind of a blur too--another miscarriage, leading to an awful diagnosis of Grave's Disease.  One thing, then another.  I have changed so much in this year! Good and bad.  I am still bitter, but it doesn't consume me.  Little by little I've been able to accept this last year as a challenge that I rose up to meet and conquer.  I am stronger than ever;  mentally, emotionally and physically.  I live in excitement of finally getting the "go ahead" from all my doctors(hopefully in a few more months!) to try for another baby, as well as some fear of what that will be like.  I fear there will be more worry than excitement.

In any case, I said a year ago that the pain and shock of that miscarriage was not going to be swept under the carpet like it didn't happen.  It happened, it's in my past, it will always be a part of me, but I'm moving on.  I have no idea what my future holds, but I do know, as always, I love this life I'm living.

I am, afterall, Livin' the Dream.